Narcissist is a word that is tossed around frequently, usually as an insult. It is usually used to describe people who are self-absorbed or selfish and often act in ways that only benefit themselves. However, these traits only scratch the surface for true narcissists – the truth is actually more sinister than what meets the eye. It can be a full-blown personality disorder that can harm the well-being of both the narcissist and the people in their lives. It is massively undiagnosed in the population, with only 1% of people having an official diagnosis. However, the odds of actually meeting a narcissist are pretty high. In fact, there is a 1 in 2 chance that there is one even living with you.
Narcissists are often identified by their selfish ways, but that is because they truly believe their needs come first, even at the expense of others. They can have a strong sense of entitlement and a superiority complex over others around them. They can be very arrogant or haughty in conversations with others. Most alarmingly, they can demonstrate a lack of empathy or caring for others. Everyone possesses some of these traits to some degree, and can act in negative ways that they might later be shameful about. However, this is a narcissist’s natural state – they act this way because they know no other alternative. Due to this, it can be difficult to have a close relationship with a narcissist, because most times they will prioritize their own needs over yours.
Narcissism is one of the four dark personality traits that plague people. Others include psychopathy, sadism, machiavellianism, and sadism. There are even more subcategories used to describe different types of narcissism that can manifest. Grandiose narcissism is perhaps the most favorable; traits will include a strong charisma that can actually help someone become successful. Vulnerable narcissists feel like they are constantly victims and will feel sullen and entitled to reparations for their own induced victimhood. Communal narcissists love to soak up the praise they get for doing good things, but aren’t motivated by the kindness of their own hearts. Malignant narcissists are the most severe form for relationships, as they bring a lot of manipulation and lack of empathy. Finally, dark empaths are the most common, but subtle, of the different types. They can blend in with the general population, but as many as 1 in 5 people have these darker narcissistic tendencies.
Narcissists can cause a lot of distress for their families and can be very difficult to live with. They often are poor communicators due to their lack of empathy. Their control issues can cause them to not care about personal boundaries and keep secrets from those close to them. They can also feel a sense of competition to those in their families, due to their own feelings of low self esteem and self loathing. They can be exceptionally good at redirecting blame onto others in the form of gaslighting or playing the victim. They can also exaggerate their own achievements and take credit for someone else’s efforts by overplaying their role in someone’s success. Love bombing, the silent treatment, or manipulative charm are all tools that narcissists use to get their own way.
It can be extremely draining to constantly deal with narcissistic traits. The effects on children and spouses might manifest as guilt when caring for others, food addiction and substance abuse, and having a sense of distrust towards others. People can reach a breaking point and finally want to separate themselves from a close relationship with a narcissist, whether it is after months or years. However, it is not always a clean break from a relationship, especially when marriage or kids are involved.
Therefore, it is important to create an escape plan to make sure all bases are covered. This starts with the planning phase, which involves considering what life during and after the separation from the narcissist will look like. Money will need to be moved into a separate account, important documents will need to be updated, such as writing a new will or getting rid of bills in their name, and new contact information will need to be created. It is important to begin this when the narcissist is away and can’t sabotage it.
Being methodical and thinking through every outcome is important to this process. If the narcissist catches wind of the plan, they will do everything in their power to stop it. Other family members can be a great support system, whether by providing a home away from the narcissist or supplying emotional support to keep courage high during this process. While it can be a very painful and distressing ordeal, separating oneself from a narcissist can lead to long-term happiness. It just takes mental strength, a good plan, and commitment to a happier future to be narcissist-free.
